"Man Shopping"

I was visiting friends in Minneapolis, and during a dinner party I heard one young woman refer to online dating as "Man shopping". She screwed up her face when she said it, so I’m guessing she didn’t approve. And I know what she means. Online singles sites are different than the traditional dating rituals we’re used to. We’re presented with facts and figures, and we choose a potential partner by features and options, not unlike shopping for cars or TV’s. It’s a good thing in a lot of ways ( I don’t think the young woman in question was in the mood for a relationship ) but like anything else it can be tricky. The bottom line is you just plain have to "kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince", even online. Having a few extra details is beneficial, but it shouldn’t be seen as a panacea, dating is still about hard work and about meeting people. Online singles sites just give us more information to work with.

And that’s the focus of this article, "information". One of my clients is a matchmaker and has been in the business for 20 years. In her experience men tend to be more concerned about their height, and can even exaggerate a little when creating their profile. And she said women tend to exaggerate when it comes to their weight. There is a temptation in the online world to be the person you want to be, rather than the person you are. It’s easy and seductive, and completely wrong. If you’re looking for a virtual relationship with someone you’ll never meet in person, then by all means be all you can be! I don’t think it’s healthy, but as long as you maintain control and a firm grip on reality and discuss it with your shrink, go for it! But if you’re looking for a real relationship with a real person, stick to the truth. There really is someone out there for every one of us, but if you’re not being yourself that person who’s looking for the person you really are won't be able to find you.

I’ve tried to make the SpringsDates.com profile section as pleasant as possible, and also as flexible as possible. A person’s weight or height or whatever can be important, but I think there’s a tendency to skip over a profile just because one or two items seem to be things you don’t believe you’re attracted to. And the online thing does make it easy to flip from profile to profile, discarding one person or another for one reason or another. So the profile info here is generalized, and let's you sidestep the issue if it's not something you're comfortable with.

Humans are complex beings, no one thing defines any one of us, and I feel safe in saying that very few of us know what we really want in a relationship anyway. I know I’ve met people who I didn’t care for at first, but in time they grew on me. And I’ve had women tell me they didn’t like beards, or long hair (when I had it) or whatever, but one thing or another won them over and eventually they discovered a newfound interest in men with hairy chests, or extra forehead, or glasses... If you find you like the person you’ll find you like everything about them. Which touches on a few issues I'll discuss in the next article........how to effectively use a singles site....